kerewin's whine cellar

Thick, Tall Walls

I just spent about 20 minutes looking through old high school yearbooks. There are about 8 million signatures that say, "I don't know you very well but....." This indicates to me that I wanted to be sure lots of people signed my book so I asked everyone, regardless of whether we were friends.

Of those people I did know, all the girls signed things like, "Oh my gosh, you are sweet!" and the guys things like, "Dude, you're cool and we had fun in class but you sure are uptight!" Ok, I paraphrased but many guys who were in my classes said, "You need to RELAX!" and those capital letters aren't mine.

What does that say about 18 year-old me? That men scared the ever-lovin' shit out of me. AND I wanted them to stay as far away as possible. Can anyone say, "lack of confidence?" or "fucked up relationships?"

This is making me seriously re-consider going to my 20th High School Reunion. Jesus, High School Norton, have a drink or something.

Happy Mister Foster New Year!

Now that I don't wait tables and merely sell wine to restaurants, I have New Year's Eve free. Which means a quick jaunt down to Portlandia to have a fine night with great friends, then a nice weekend with family.

Happy New Year! This year is finally over with.

Answers

1. “You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?” The Princess Bride
• 2. “Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies.”
  “Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties.” Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• 3. “Oh my God, I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just... pretend to be normal.” Little Miss Sunshine
• 4. “If there's one thing I don't look for in a maid, it's discretion. Except with my own secrets, of course.” Gosford Park
• 5. “A guy works all day, he don't want to look at his plate and ask, ‘What the fuck is this?’ He wants to look at his plate, see a steak, and say ‘I like steak!’” Big Night(I think this was the hardest quote, I should have gone with something Louis Prima!)
• 6. “Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by.” The Forty-Year-Old Virgin
• 7. "You shoot off a guy's head with his pants down, believe me, Texas ain't the place you want to get caught." Thelma and Louise
• 8. "In time you'll drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!" Moonstruck
• 9. "You want more mysterious? I'll just try and think, "Where the hell's the whiskey?" Lost In Translation
• 10. "If anything happens to me, you tell every woman I've ever gone out with I was talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate me." Broadcast News
• 11. "Not so funny meow, is it?" Supertroopers
• 12. "Don't you just want to feel that cozy little box grip down on your johnson?" Sideways(I couldn't not have a wine movie, right?
• 13. "Some hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers." Trainspotting
• 14. "That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else." Sixteen Candles
• 15. "It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?" Blade Runner

Merry Christmas!

All Right Byrne, Here's Your Two Hours

Google is so much my friend that I had trouble not cheating on this "test." It was fun and interesting and doing it myself was HARD! and fun. So here you go:

Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
Post them here, without the titles, for everyone to guess.
NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search functions.

Feel free to answer in the comments.

1. “You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?”
• 2. “Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies.”
  “Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties.”
• 3. “Oh my God, I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just... pretend to be normal.”
• 4. “If there's one thing I don't look for in a maid, it's discretion. Except with my own secrets, of course.”
• 5. “A guy works all day, he don't want to look at his plate and ask, ‘What the fuck is this?’ He wants to look at his plate, see a steak, and say ‘I like steak!’”
• 6. “Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by.”
• 7. "You shoot off a guy's head with his pants down, believe me, Texas ain't the place you want to get caught."
• 8. "In time you'll drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!"
• 9. "You want more mysterious? I'll just try and think, "Where the hell's the whiskey?"
• 10. "If anything happens to me, you tell every woman I've ever gone out with I was talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate me."
• 11. "Not so funny meow, is it?"
• 12. "Don't you just want to feel that cozy little box grip down on your johnson?"
• 13. "Some hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers."
• 14. "That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else."
• 15. "It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?"

You think you know a movie and then you go and look at the quotes and realize it has been some time since you last saw it. I think everyone should do this if you have ten minutes times fifteen movies to spare. I guess "they" don't call it an internet addiction for nothing.

New York Times Notable Books

100 Notable Books of the Year

I am currently sifting through these titles to see if there are some books I am interested in. Somehow in the digital age I have moved away from the amount of reading I used to do. Time to get back on that horse.

Baby Duck + Embarrassing Story

Baby Duck

On one of our last days in South Africa we went to the Company's Gardens in Cape Town. (Pretty sure the Company in question was the Dutch East India Trading Company.) We came upon this pond with all these baby ducks swimming around. I was very busy taking pictures when I saw a baby duck try to jump out of the pond. At first it failed. Then the mom came and jumped out, as if to show the little baby.

If I ever figure out how to embed a video, I will add it.

I quickly started filming a video through my digital camera. The whole crowd was watching the duck try to get out of the pond. When he succeeded we all gave a little cheer. I turned off the camera and started talking to my friends. Then I looked up, they were gone and I was commenting to absolute strangers. Oops. I ran off in the direction they were last headed and a couple minutes later caught up. So there were a few minutes in South Africa where I was pretty sure I was going to end up in a police station, crying about being lost.

Embarrassing Story

Back when I was young and I had to go poop, if it was a tough one coming out, I always felt as if it helped to grunt it out. Like the noise was an integral part. So I was in the bathroom at home and really having a tough time of it so I started grunting. It worked, in fact, it felt great.

Then I came out of the bathroom. Standing there were my older sister and a really good friend of hers. The second they saw me they busted up laughing. "What?" I asked.

"Having a good time in there?" asked my sister's friend. Then a lot more laughter. I think they were crying from laughter.

It never crossed my mind that anyone could HEAR me grunting. I was mortified. The worst part? When I was caught out it was the summer before my junior year of high school. In other words, I was SIXTEEN. Sixteen years of grunting in bathroom stalls and in the house. No one ever called me out on it (how is that even possible?). I wanted to die. To this day, I pretty much hate my sister's friend. Not that I have seen her since then.

I remember the next time I really had to go poop. I was afraid it wouldn't work without the noise. Turns out to work just as well. Wish someone (family, I'm looking at YOU) had told me a few years earlier than sixteen.

Slumdog Millionaire

I have been a fan of Danny Boyle for a long time. I loved the movie Shallow Grave and the first date I had with my husband was to see Trainspotting. We've been together ever since. Let's just say that Danny Boyle has told me a lot more about life than anyone I've ever met.

This afternoon we saw Slumdog Millionaire and it was GREAT! Great music, great plot, great ending. GO SEE IT. Seriously, I cried from happiness through the credits. I would tell you more but I am surprisingly distracted by watching The Godfather for the first time.

I will make you an offer you can't refuse.