kerewin's whine cellar

I'm Home?

I am on the cusp of my first 90 days with the new company. It is weird to look upon it from these eyes. Back when I started I was excited because the people I interviewed with were dynamic and funny. I was worried about selling a large book of wine, one I didn't know very well. I was extra worried about selling a large corporate brand.

The first couple weeks in August I merely drove around with my new boss getting introduced to new and old accounts. We ate out a LOT. As you would when you sell to restaurants (no more grocery store in ANY capacity, can you say Hallelujah?). My previous two companies, while great, had some drawbacks for accounts. The first company was so large that I was generally the 3rd or even 4th rep from the same company. The next one was so small that when I went to introduce myself (one more point, that whole self-intro thing, very small company) the customer would frown and say something like, "Well, there's already too many companies."

With this new company, even though fairly large, I never encountered anything like that. Everyone seemed really happy to see me. Also, after three years of almost all the same accounts it felt really great to be jolted into new territory. Maybe I was complacent before, maybe I let comfort prevent me from acting out. Maybe, maybe I was tied into my old territory and not willing to look outside of it.

So, all these people happy to see me. Old customers, new customers, fellow salespeople, new company, new vendors, all with smiles on their faces and hands out. Why then did I feel like an imposter? Why did I also feel like it was possible that I was just doing a job that would give me a paycheck?

First, let me say that when I left Largest Wine Distributor in Seattle I was more or less happy. However, I got an offer to work with a friend for a small company with GREAT wines. Not a single conglomerate. All wines chosen and agreed upon by staff so not a single stinker in the book. Also, a chance to develop their restaurant sales, which they never worked on before. Seattle is so granola, so about the small, family-owned company, how could this not be right?

One thing I never considered: Was my pond big enough to move and make a difference? After meeting all these new-to-me customers in my old territory I can tell you now, I would be a lot more effective at the small company with all these new customers. Oh hindsight, you temptress.

My heart was broken in many tiny pieces when I was laid off from the small company. It is still very broken. I can't even shop in the place near our house because my old company has a lot of wine there and I can't walk around the store without feeling bad. I miss my friends, I miss that wine. I was more than good at my job, I loved it. As you might imagine I am no longer friends with the owner. What I didn't imagine is that I would also lose a very close friendship with the Sales Manager and his wife. I have reached out to him several times with no response back. I need to cut my losses there.

So, happy at new work? Ah, you know, more or less. A lot more driving due to warehouse being about 20 miles farther away. More rules. Ridiculous meetings (not the meetings but sometimes the bitching of the old school salespeople). The big gift was/is the portfolio. We have wines from almost every country that makes wine, we have a very decent local portfolio, we carry beer, there's a spirit division. Good benefits, great car allowance.

Still, at my first general sales meeting I felt a bit like a fraud when they posted everyone's sales percentage (this is not just general dollar totals but also broken out by a few important brands each month) and mine were mostly negative in comparison with the year before. That's a hard blow to a competitive person. Still, my manager and his boss both praised me highly that day. Freqeuntly in accounts he says I am one of his best hires. My little self whispers, "They are just trying to make you feel better about doing so poorly."

Then my tiniest, most private voice said, "This is why you were laid-off. You aren't very good at this. It was just nicer than saying you were fired."

This morning I went to my third general sales meeting. I came in knowing that I exceeded 80% of my goals for the month. Each month is a little better. I am turning my territory around. That and I have opened something like 7 new accounts. Apparently I learned a skill from the last company after all.

Today I remember that I am really good at this job. I am a mighty force to be reckoned with and other people are shaking. They should. Today I know that I wasn't laid off from my last job for merit.

Dear, effing food network

Stop showing things like Mario Batali's Biography because all it does is make me want to go to New York and eat like a pig.

ty

k

Dear Dr. Freud,

I think I am looking for closure. The last couple nights I have had some strange dreams. Two nights ago, I dreamed I was sitting in a restaurant at a long table but just one person beside me. Up walks my old boss, the one who got to give me the ax, the one who has yet to call me to chat even though we were friends. He comes right up to me, I stand up and he gives me a long hug and says, "My secretary (he doesn't have a secretary in real life) told me you were here and I really wanted to come by and see you." Then I woke up.

Last night I dreamed I ran into the owner of the company, a woman who recruited me to the job, also someone I considered a friend. I said to her, "Can't we just pretend that never happened and just go on like everything is alright until it is?"

She replied, "I don't think I am ready for that, it is going to take some time."

As I woke up I thought to myself, "What does SHE need time for? I was the one who was let go!" I'm still chasing some sort of real closure and it clearly isn't going to come.

In other news, my parents were here for 4 days and I started a new job last week that is kicking my ass. Don't get me wrong it is a good kind of ass kicking but I am just not used to it after a month off. Dude, is it the weekend, yet?

I'm Sorry!

Azúl,

I sincerely apologize for locking you in the coat closet last night. I didn't realize you snuck in there while I was cleaning things up. Looks like you had an interesting adventure, although I do appreciate that you didn't pee on anything. All that wrapping paper can be recycled, thank goodness.

It sort of broke my heart that when I woke up at 3am to go to the bathroom and found you that you latched onto me and purred your heart out. Very sweet. I take it back, you can pounce on my feet all you want.

love,
me

Hard Work, If You Can Get It

Dear Me,

You are supremely fond of being a person who hasn't burned a bridge (job-wise). No matter how pretty it makes you, it is extremely difficult to maintain when you are the one to be let go. Wouldn't it be so nice to answer an old customer's call with a rude response, or just never pass on a message? Pretty skippy.

Also, a lot easier to not burn a bridge when you leave of your own accord. This whole layoff thing leaves scars when you have to tell people what happened. It is like a break up where you keep thinking you are over it only to run into yet another friend who has no idea.

However, I hope this is a lot like other parts of life that have sucked. They get less sucky over time.

Buck up little camper.

k

Dear New Cat, Azúl,

Yes, you're adorable. Now, can you please stop jumping on my feet and biting them while I am sleeping?

Thanks!

Dear Me,

No pictures this time (jesus could your page take longer to load?). My god do you ever plan on updating this POS? All I see here is whining and whinging.

Here's the thing. You had a great time in South Africa, how's about you finish resizing those photos and post a few? Maybe you could put up a post about your new job, the one that is a lot like your old job but with more security, more organization, and more support.

First, get a good night's sleep tonight because tomorrow will be longer than today (it is hard to work a full day after a month off, isn't it?) and apparently you signed up to post a month of letters (sucker).

Love,
Me