over a year ago I learned that my neighbor had a brain tumor - her kids were about the same age as my kids - she was btween my age and my husbands . . .

I went into several weeks of depression and trying to figure out why her -

why whatever -

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with this Kere.
I can totally relate to the gifts for creating things- and yet be completely dissatisfied with what we can't. Going into these deep holes within ourselves is painful- and it's not that it is so very hard to dig ourselves out- but it feels like there is no point to doing so.

Hang in there. It sucks, but you'll get through it. One day you'll just wake up and want to feel better. Like my favorite song. "If you want to be somebody else, change your mind."

That is very sad. I always want to know why. I don't think we ever do. But WHY???

I don't think it would be better if it were you, though. I want it to be nobody.

Writing is a learned skill. Not just the mechanics but the style and even the content. Creativity comes with work and time. It isn't some gift. If you want it, you can have it.

I hope your depression--or whatever it is--lifts soon. But sometimes we do have these moments and sometimes it is not illness (although it might be brain chemistry) but some kind of process to push us forward--some unconscious goading. Our minds are unfathomable in certain ways.