kerewin's whine cellar

The New News That Isn't So New

For the second time in my life I am quitting the restaurant industry. I am making a lateral move into grocery. That is, the WINE portion of grocery. This is something I tried before. The quitting, not the grocery. The last time I quit waiting tables, I said I would never be back. However, when I was looking for work and a management/wine buyer position opened, I thought it would be a good opportunity. At least for a little while. So, I am here to tell you that it has been a good opportunity, but only for the littlest while.

So, since in a few short (i.e. much too long) weeks I will once again be thinking of my halcyon days in the industry, rather than living them, let me give you a few pieces of advice:

Don't call to see if you need to make a reservation, just make one. I mean, you already went to the hassle of dialing.
• Please, if you are a couple and sitting across from each other, don't move your chair next to your darling one, so that you can eat whilst your thighs are touching. Restaurants are set up to seat the maximum diners, so if you screw with the schematics, you will likely make it hard on the people around you. Plus, it is just gross. People who tend to do it fall into two categories: the young and the cheaters. P.S. We call you side-sitters and you are well hated, we probably "accidently" drop water out of the pitcher on you.
• Newsflash! If I seat you at the table nearest the door, it isn't a test to see if I can make you take the punishment, it means that every other table is full, or booked.
• Patios suck ass. That fact will never change.
• If a friend passes by and sees you, and comes into talk, do not take a chair from another table without asking, first. That shit doesn't belong to you. Since you asked, yes, it does belong to me. Same goes double for you putting your empty plate on another table.
• If you are using one of those god forsaken discount-from-hell cards, and there are exceptions, like "not usable Fridays and Saturdays," then don't call me up and bargain with me. We fill those seats with full-paying guests and I won't turn one away to seat your cheezy two-for-one ass down. And for god's-sake, be sure to tip on the before total, rather than the after.
• What you might do with that discount is use it to allow you to get an extra appetizer you always wanted, or that cocktail you always found interesting.
• Mr Jackass, we are wise to you. We know you fill out your credit card slips and take both copies on purpose, so that it would appear you tip, but really you don't since we aren't psychic and can't guess what total you wrote in. We caught you at it the last time you tried. You haven't been back, but when you do slime your way in, we'll remember.
• Guess what? Just cause you spend money here, doesn't mean I am your best friend. If I really like you, I will come by your table on my own.
• If you don't like your food, please let us take it away and either fix what was wrong with it, or give you something that makes you happy. People don't return to restaurants after a bad experience. Therefore, we want you to be happy.
• Don't expect us to serve your underage kid wine at the table. We want to, we really do. Except that we could lose our liquor license. Let them drink at home if you are so gung-ho for them to experience underage drinking.
• Another news tidbit for you, wine vintages change. More or less, the wine rep never bothers to let you know when that happens. We would never intentionally give you the wrong year, but really, if you care that much, go home and drink from your goddamn cellar.
• Don't tell me that a $15 corkage fee is a bit steep. I don't make the prices. If you would rather not pay it, then buy a bottle off the list.
• Because waiters make their money mostly via gratuity, they are very rarely ever rude. You might be reading something into it, or they might be extremely busy. They try to be patient with you, please be patient, as well.
• There is no such thing as verbal gratuity. If you tell me you enjoyed your meal, but don't leave me a tip, I can't spend what you said at the coffee shop.
• You and your Atkins diet is a major pain in the ass.
• It is really annoying that you don't want ice in your water. We have to make a special trip back and forth each time. If your teeth are sensitive, ask for a STRAW.
• If we serve our bread with a special butter, don't ask for oil. If we make a special oil, don't ask for butter.
• At my place, we serve the bread AFTER you order. This is because it is very easy to spend over $50,000 a year on "free" bread and oil. Therefore, we let you order when you know how much you will need to fill your tummy.
• For those of you that get only one course, no drinks (not even tea or coffee!), and no dessert, then ask for endless bread refills, well, we all think you are just remarkably cheap.
• Lastly, when I tell you I work(ed) in a restaurant, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't tell me every restaurant horror story you ever participated in, and then ask me if it was ok for you to not leave gratuity. Chances are good that I won't be on your side.

Now that I have scared you all to bits and you are slowly walking away from the computer, eyes on the screen.....let me tell you this. I am leaving the industry not because I am irreperably bitter, I am not. I am trying to leave while I am still happy. I am want to leave while they still want me to stay. As I told a friend, after I had to fire someone, (and it wasn't very pleasant) it is always better to choose to leave.

The two things about restaurants

Because of this blog, I found this other thing.

The premise being that for every subject, there are really only two things you need to know. Everything else is the application of those two things, or just not important. There are some fairly funny Two Things. I noticed a glaring ommission of Two Things for restaurants. So I wrote up a few of my own.

Wine Buying
1) You should always try the wine before buying it
2) Be sure to sell the wine you buy

Manager
1) You will bend over backwards and change things around and be flexible
2) It won't matter because servers are whiny babies and will never be fully satisfied

Hosting
1) Be organized, knowing where everyone will go, so that you know when and where you can fit more people in
2) Be flexible, because people will never want to go where you put them

Waiting tables
1) Be friendly and timely, people get irritable when they think they are waiting too long
2) When the food is taking too long, ALWAYS blame the kitchen (it is usually their fault anyway)

Kitchen Staff
1) Get everything ready about 5 minutes past opening
2) Drink copiously

What about your job? What are the Two Things you think apply?

taking a few hours away from busy-ness

Number 7

1. As a child, what was your (or your family's) first pet ever?
• When I was three my parents brought back a puppy from some pound, or kennel or something. We named him Sparky. He was a total mutt, but fabulous, just the best dog, ever.
• 2. What is the scariest movie you ever remember seeing, as a kid?


• My family had cable in the mid 70s, back when HBO was only on fromabout 6pm to midnight. I remember we watched "The Car" and I had nightmares for years. I was something like 5 or 6, and it bothered me until I was at least 12.
• 3. What do you think of long finger nails?


• They only look good if they are real, and even then there is a limit to length.
• 4. If you had to go and look for a new job today, what would you be looking for?


• Since I am looking for a new job today, and this is part of the reason that I haven't posted in so long........sigh, I don't know. Apparently something in the wine industry. Failing that, I had a great interview for installing POS systems for restaurants.

• 5. What was the first country outside of the United States of America that you travelled to, and why?


• I met a totally hot British guy here in Seattle, and about 6 months later, I used my student aid check to buy a ticket to the U.K. I had a great time, and never got the guy.

Number 9

1. What was the first computer system you remember using?
• 2. What chore did you have to do as a kid, that you loathed?


• 3. Do you have any OCD traits?


• 4. Since this is the reason that we are friends, how did you find Freeverse?


• 5. Online dating, pro or con?

Number 10

1. If you could instantly change ONE thing in your present life what would that be?
• Cheeerist, there's so many things right now. However, if I had to choose one, I would choose something that isn't instantly changeable. I mean, you can always change jobs, you can paint your house, you can even pull up trees and bushes you dislike. So, I guess I would choose to be wealthy. Not sickeningly, disgustingly wealthy. Comfortably wealthy.........where you can choose what charities you donate to, and you can travel where and when you want.
• 2. Which personality trait most hinders you?


• My weight? Maybe my habit of saying what's on my mind.
• 3. What's your best personality trait?


• I am charming and funny. Extremely social. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
• 4. What is your personal [inner] refuge? IOW, don't name a [external] person that you take refuge in, no matter how true.


• Heh, I just had to ask someone what IOW meant and now I feel completely retarded. Let me see.......my personal inner refuge, I consistently have conversations in my head with myself. However that tends to make me more confused than ever so that can't be it. Reading, or taking a bath is a good way to distract myself from the outside.

• 5. What do you have faith in?


• I have faith in myself (usually, unless I don't and that's just when I am really depressed). I guess I believe that what you toss out into the world is definitely going to come back to you. So if you spew crap and bullshit, you're in trouble. Therefore, just be true to yourself and others, and you should be fine.

M.P.Qs. #7 & 8

I meant to do these earlier, really.

Okay, set number 7:

1. As a child, what was your (or your family's) first pet ever?
• 2. What is the scariest movie you ever remember seeing, as a kid?
• 3. What do you think of long finger nails?
• 4. If you had to go and look for a new job today, what would you be looking for?
• 5. What was the first country outside of the United States of America that you travelled to, and why?

And just so you don't call me a slacker.........

1. What's your favorite appliance?
• I suppose it depends on the use. For daily stuff, of course the hair dryer over the iron. However do I love my pasta roller more than my Kitchen Aid? Realistically, because I was just dodging before, the Kitchen Aid mixer rules it. First, it is just beautiful. Two, everyone who sees it exclaims how they always wanted one, or how they never got one on their wedding registry. Three, it fucking rocks. However, how do I compare that to my sander? I am a tool girl, amazingly enough, so it is hard for me to pick just one.
• 2. Hardwood or carpet?


• Hardwood, everytime. Do you know what shit lurks in your carpet? Aside from that wood is so lovely.
• 3. White walls or saturated color?


• Saturated color, preferably something intense. I have plans for the ktichen and living room, care to come and help??????????
• 4. Modernist or Traditional tendencies?


• To live in, Traditionalist. To view, as in an arty facility, Modernist.
• 5. Name two things in your dream house.


• Gigantic kitchen with meat block and glass cabinets (I know that sounds like more than one thing, but it isn't.) and a professional gas stove with huge hood fan. I am one of those annoying foodies. I mean, I picked my Kitchen Aid as my favorite appliance, how more Betty can I be?

I have a brain in here, somewhere

I forgot to answer my own set of M.P.Qs. #5 that I sent to SQ. So here they are in all their glory:

1. If you had to move to another city, what would be your dream city?
• Since the Hub and I are both looking for new work, we haven't kept it strictly in the Seattle boundaries. Austin was looking good for awhile as was Salt Lake City. Say what you like about Utah, but it is gorgeous, with tons to do and see. Also, strangely it is the one place where I had the most drunken weekend of my life.
• 2. What's your favorite commercial on television?


• "I don't really watch television," she says snottily. However, I am a sucker for a really good commercial. There was this really funny one for AM/PM convenience stores. This guy in shorts and a T-shirt is sitting on the sidewalk outside of an AM/PM chowing on a hot dog and slugging some soda. This woman walks by, all legs, nylons, and heels. She stops at the guy on the sidewalk and crosses her arms, "I thought you went jogging?" He replies, "I got HOT!" (although the way he says it is more like "I gawt hawt.") So she says back, in this withering tone, "In THREE blocks?" Or the Aiwa sound commercial where this guy is driving down the road listening to Another One Bites the Dust. People passing him giving him weird looks. He just smiles and waves and plays it even louder. Turns out it is a hearse he is driving. In a funeral procession.
• 3. What day of the week do you most look forward to?


• There really isn't any certain day. I look forward to vacations, or visiting friends and family. Saturday isn't so bad as that is the day I don't have to stay at work until the end, I get to go home early. Makes the day somewhat bearable.
• 4. When you go into a book store do you steer towards fiction or non-fiction?


• Fiction, baby, always fiction.
• 5. How old were you when you first tried coffee?


• Probably 8 or 9 and I hated it. I never really got into coffee until college. It weirds me out to see all these high school kids, or younger, hanging out at Starbucks. Once I got into 'the coffee', though, I dove in headfirst. Hooray coffee! But not at Starbucks, never ever. I mean, unless you are somewhere outside of either Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, and surprisingly Napa and there isn't any good coffee. Please, people, drive thru coffee is always gross. When will you ever learn?