I once wrecked my boyfriend's (now husband's) car. It was a silly mistake of not paying attention. He was never anything but supportive, never said anything at the time except that he was glad I was alright. Yet, later if the accident ever came up in conversation, I always assumed that he had a lot of blame to lay at my feet, and I responded by getting upset, post mortem, so to speak.
But I always assumed he felt upset at me from the beginning, he was just saying all the right things because that is what you do. What came out later was the truth. Because it just feels right to be bitched out for messing up. That whole, "I am just glad you are ok" is true but it has this hidden second message of "and I sure hope the _______ is ok, too!" So when I fucked up today and made the call to tell what happened, when the response was anger and frustration, it just felt right. I felt very admonished. Even though I was more than punishing myself.
I wasn't mad about the anger towards me, it was expected. It felt like the agreement blanket I was already wearing.
Is this totally fucked up? Should we only want total backing of every single thing we do, whether good or bad?
Posted by kerewin at June 8, 2005 11:33 PMWow... a closet Masochist.
I never would have known. Well- maybe suspected. ;)
is it that obvious? ;-)
Posted by: kerewin at June 13, 2005 11:34 PM