March 25, 2004
Wake up, para culiar
Ahhhh...Puerto Vallarta, una cuidad que es llena de los gringos. Es posible que soy una Mexicana.
Puerto Vallarta, a city full of Whiteys. It is possible that I am a Mexican. Sounds better in Spanish, doesn't it?
I could continue on in a bi-lingual fashion,but first, that's rather snotty, don't you think? Secondly, I can't remember the Spanish word for "to bargain."
Our week in Mexico was very nice, but kind of surreal. We were in a foreign country but staying with the In-laws, who own a condo there, so half our time was spent doing day-to-day things and not holiday things. Driving here or there to look at furniture for the condo, or groceries, or beer. Oh, beer. God, I love Mexico.
We spent a little time each day at the pool, later in the afternoon, so as to minimize sunburn possibilities. Since we were staying in Nuevo Vallarta, rather than El Centro, or Viejo, we were outside of the general hubbub. But, we learned rather easily, how to take a bus into town, and conversely out of town. For instance our daytrip (oh, now I have the Beatles stuck in my head) to Sayulita.
As much as I liked Sayulita, it was a little too American-ized (by which I mean, United States-ized, but it doesn't read as pretty) for my taste. When you eat breakfast at Rollie's which is full of US tourists, and only has an English menu, and then go see some of the outdoor jewelry, half of which is sold by US hippies, you start to be a little weary. At least, I do. Especially as after the last vacation we had, I said to AmigaBoy, "I want to go somewhere where they speak SPANISH!"
The worst, worst, WORST ever part about Sayulita is that they have a restaurant called The Spaghetti Factory which I, at first, found amusing, since that was my first ever restaurant job. We even took a picture of me and the sign. Later, from one of the wizened condo residents it turns out that this is a couple who started a Spaghetti Factory in Couer d'Alene, Idaho, which mached EXACTLY the Old Spaghetti Factory menu and decor. Not surprisingly, they got sued, so they moved the whole thing lock, stock, and barrel to MEXICO???? Now you can enjoy crappy faux-Italian food from the States even in Nayurit, Mexico. Rat-fucking bastards. The wizened couple who told us this story thought it was GREAT! Do I have to go to Spain to get away from these assholes?
Speaking of assholes, right in Puerto Vallarta proper there is a Hooter's and an Outback Steakhouse, both of which I loathe and I refuse to find links for you. You want to see their sites? Google, baby.
Now, vacation sex...it should be GREAT, right? Then don't vacation with your ILs Since we stay up later than them, we snuck in a few nice night time episodes. But once when we snuck up early from the pool and started fooling around, the ILs came up about 10 minutes after we did, and I just couldn't work up to finishing (and I was REALLY close, dammit!). Surprisingly, since it has featured in many a role-playing event, and I have mocked by AmigaBoy mercilessly about his rather Victorian view of having sex at the house of the ILs, I couldn't really shove it in their face. I was happy to have sex if we weren't going to get caught, but not while they were awake in the other room. Even MORE surprisingly, he was TOTALLY up for it. He then mocked me mercilessly the rest of the trip. According to him culiar is the verb he knows for "to have sex" and he spent a good portion of our trip saying to me under his breath, "K, wake up para culiar!"
So one night in particular, I went to bed early, because nerd boy wanted to watch the new Battlestar Gallactica mini-series that was showing on some cable nerd channel. AB was supposed to wake me up para culiar when he came to bed but he didn't. So the next morning, I woke up, he was all asleep and the condo seemed quiet. So I went over and woke him up "para culiar." A girl has her needs after all. AmigaBoy was willing, I was willing, we were getting into it. As the man said about it later, "I was just getting ready to take it home!"
But then the madre IL knocked on the door and before we could even confer as to what to say, she opened the door! Holy shit! It was right out of my worst ever High School nightmare (not that I was having sex in HS, trust me I wasn't). Luckily for the AmigaBoy, we were all missionary and shit, so his mom's view of him was blocked. But she SAW ME. Jesus, just what I need, my madre IL to know what I look like without their my clothing. One thing I don't regret, she was on the wrong side to see my lizard tattoo that is on my rib cage. Anyway, she shut the door rather abruptly, and I ended our fesitivities. Then we sat there and had the giggled for a good five minutes before I got up and took a shower. As the Hub said, "At least we are married."
The icing on the cake came when I came out to get some coffee, I mumbled a "Mornin'" certainly all red-cheeked, and then she APOLOGIZED to me. I was hoping more for the, "let's all ignore what just happened" approach. Later on the Hub told me that he was hoping to finish afterwards. Uh huh...whatever.
For the record, I love my in-laws, they are wonderful people who typically don't open up a closed door without waiting to hear if they are invited in. Usually there is a point during any of our vacations where I turn to AB and say, "Gosh, wouldn't this be even more fun if your parents were here?" I guess that's why we go to Mexico with them in the first place.
Some pictures for your enjoyment:
Album 1
Album 2
One last embarrassing sidenote: On our last full day in P.V. as all the United Stateseans call it, we went into El Centro. Walked the beach,bought momentos, stopped at a bar and had "una cubeta de cerveza, por favor" and when we left, I had a mark on my ass. Someone, dear god, peed on my seat. I smelled of urine the whole way home. Hallelujah for the condo having a washer and a dryer.
I am having a little trouble deciding which is more humiliating, the urine or the sex-catching.
Posted by kerewin at March 25, 2004 01:53 PM